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Managing Difficult People

A Biblical Model

Characteristics of Difficult People

Part 1

 

The characteristics of difficult people are often expressed in their behaviours and attitudes to doctrine, and towards those who uphold the true gospel of Jesus Christ. Furthermore, difficult people always resist the truth, and the principles which will reflect their destructive behaviours. For some of those persons there is always some facet of the true doctrine which affects their lifestyle. They complain about things which displease them, and people whom they consider are threats to their plans. They will go to extremes to contradict the gospel with their own personal proofs or some humanistic ideology. Difficult people are among the following groups:

False Prophets [1]

Jesus informed the disciples about false prophets, and pointed out that they can be identified by their fruits. Matthew 7:15-20:“

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. [15]

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? [16]

Even so every good tree brings forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree brings forth evil fruit. [17]

A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit; neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. [18]

Every tree that brings not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. [19]

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” [20]

Indeed, difficult people who challenge and undermine the gospel can be described as false prophets who come in sheep’s clothing; but their true nature is that of ravenous wolves. They act as predators with heresies to deceive others and to lead them astray. False prophets are spiritual imposters posing as gifted, but denying the power. They may hold titles and positions, yet their lives speak differently. By their fruits you shall certainly know them.

Critics

There are people who make it their life-mission to defy the doctrine of Jesus Christ and the work of those who believe in Him. They criticize what they do not understand as is seen in the passage of Matthew 9:10-11.

And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples.

And when the Pharisees saw (it), they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?”

When we view the life of Jesus, despite the fact that He healed and did such wonderful things, there were those who were not satisfied with the way He treated others. Seemingly, the critics wanted Him to be like other teachers or maybe like themselves.

In one situation Jesus was rebuked for not fasting “…as did John’s disciples” (Matthew 9:14-15). Evidently, critics watch the actions of everyone other than their own. They are troublesome members who sit on the side-lines only to snort and hiss at persons for whom they do not care. There are times when they go out of their way to enlist others to join them in their unruly behaviour, while they garnish their arguments with lies and deceit in their attempt to entice the weak and gullible. Another point is that those persons often object to the appointment of anyone to a leadership position whom they do not like. They are hardly ever satisfied with the leader. In their estimation, no one is fitting to lead unless they have the upper hand in making the selection. One person once said, “Nothing can go on here until I make the decision.” This individual was not the leader; but tried to commandeer authority. In this situation, the perfect example of a difficult person in the role of a critic was evident. The action caused a dispute and the envisioned plan was cancelled. Critics will frustrate the best plan if they are given the opportunity to take over.

Controversial

Although Jesus, the Son of God taught the people, there were those who opposed his teachings and were provocative and contentious (Matthew 12:38-42; 21:45-46; 16:1-4; Luke 11:37ff). They refused to believe his word unless they had seen for themselves. Apparently, they wanted a front row seat. People who are controversial are often antagonistic and divisive. They are always ready for a debate concerning issues for which they have their own interpretations and solutions. They believe only in themselves, and those in their clique. Referring to Jesus and the critics, we read that “The Pharisees therefore said unto him, Thou bearest record of thyself; thy record is not true” (John 8:13).

Unless some people can prove an issue through empirical research or logic, they refuse to accept spiritual truth. In a church those persons express their displeasure and ignorance in meetings, and are not afraid to show disrespect to anyone – from the pulpit to the pew. Those who are confrontational are bossy and very infuriating. Rather than ask questions they will challenge what they do not understand with aggressive behaviours to stimulate fear.  Consequently, others leave them alone, or grant the desires of their hearts to obtain peace.

Difficult people annoy and aggravate others to show disapproval and condemnation for anything they do not understand. Jesus experienced similar behaviours. Therefore, believers must not be alarmed.

According to the word: “Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also” (John 15:20). There can be no doubt that intractable and problematic members will create disorder among other believers. They make life very difficult for leaders who are trying their best to administer in truth and love.

Clearly, it is very important for leaders to teach the gospel and protect the doctrine to convince heretics of the power and authority which they have in Christ. People, who are confrontational, are often negative in their outlook. They display unpleasantness without enticement, and are always looking for the next fight. The best any leader can and should do, is to follow the teaching which says," Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine” (II Timothy 4:2).

Unforgiving

Another sick and destructive trait among difficult people is the unforgiving spirit (Matthew 18:21-35). It is very disappointing to note that even leaders, who ought to set examples, display this negative and harmful behaviour. The Bible teaches that unless we forgive others, we will not be forgiven by God (Matthew 6:14-15). If God forgave us when we were dead in trespasses and sins, and saved us by His grace (Ephesians 2:1-8); we should be willing to forgive others the wrongs which they do to us. The Bible teaches us:

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19).

As clear as this message rings out, there are so-called Christians who believe in the old law “an eye for eye.” We may wonder why Christians should hold out against one another when the word reminds us to be humble under the mighty hand of God who will lift us up in due season (I Peter 5:6). Moreover, we have every reason to be humble, compassionate, patient, and forgiving towards one another. Besides, an unforgiving spirit opens the door to the enemy for physical, emotional, and spiritual torment.

Over-Confident

We find in Matthew 19:16-22, the boaster and very over-confident young man who thought he was super-religious. However, self-assurance cannot gain a place in God’s heaven.  In order to be ready for heaven and to spend eternity with Christ, we must meet the requirements. The word says: “He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully” (Psalm 24:4). Good words or works alone cannot give us a place in the sight of God. Being over-confident because of the theological college an individual attended or the people he or she shake hands or spends time with are no criteria for entering the kingdom of God. Holding a prestigious title, or acting important and super-spiritual will not serve as factors for entry through the door of heaven. We must be born again; and we must obey God’s word, and not live an ungodly life. Difficult people are ungodly and will surely face God’s judgment. God will judge the ungodly. His aim will be: “To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him” (Jude 1:15).

It is the life that we live on earth which will be the deciding factor whether we are fit for heaven to spend eternity with the Lord. The question is asked:  "Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who shall stand in his holy place?

He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. (Psalm 24:3-4).

 

Professional Pretenders

The Bible also identified those Pharisees who were pretenders by calling them hypocrites (Read Mark 7:1-23; 12:13-17). In many churches you will find Christian professors who lack the power and attributes of a true Christ-like person. It is not surprising to hear others expressing shock when speaking of those persons’ behaviour. They are professional pretenders who can recite the Bible from cover to cover; but do not exhibit patterns of Christian character. Paul saw those persons as “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3: 5, 7).

The truth is to love one another as God loves us; and to live holy, as He is holy. 2 Peter 2:1-3; Jude 1:4-19ff

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